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| So its been a lil while since ive been here and soooooo much has happened. I can honestly say im an over all happier person. I was tired of my life being so shitty and always being so depressed, so i did something about it! I was unhappy that i was out of shape so i got my fat ass of the sofa and lost weight, i was sad that my ex beat the shit out of me and i went to jail so instead of siting in my own shit i learned from the experience and man have i learned...im so much stronger because of it. I stand up for myself, i know what to look for in abusers and i take action. I will not allow another person have control over my life again. this is my life, i have the power to make myself happy, and i have the power to bring change. My faith has grown tramendusly (yes i know thats not spelt right). Currently i have stopped talking to people who call themselves my friends but add nothing to my life, i friend is someone that adds to your life not takes away. So in that i have stopped talkin to my ex and i feel great, he no longer has the influence to make me feel like shit about myself. Im also in school, im currently seeking my masters in Mechanical engineering in both aerospace and Automotive with a minor in mechanics. I am also going to bartending school because i was tired of not having a job. So i made a lil change to help better my chances. and to add to all this, i have the most amazing boyfriend and best friend. i may not have much in my life but i will say this, i dont envy anyone and i can honestly say that other for the first time in a long time wan what i have. My best friend and I got a house up north. Life is good, and i happy to say that i have the power over it. | | |
| Ive been living with my grandparents since I got out of jail, and my life before living here and even up till recently has just been on the back burner to anything GOOD for me. Since ive lived here ive been forced against my better will to go to church every time the door is open, and ive claimed myself agnostic..well instead of thinking that everything the church has to say is wrong, and just sayin no, there is a 'maybe' in my thoughts now. I dont know what this means, and im not saying 'GO GOD!' but there is more peace in my mind. well thats all for now. | | |
| This is a way awesome feeling. I think for the first time in my life I feel good enough for someway amazing. Im not lowering my bar for some piece of shit man thats not worht my time, and again for the first time I can breath. thats all for now | | |
|  So here's a bit of an update....I'm moving own with my life, im not going to sit around waitng for things to come to me. I'm going to go to school, and im not going to move away. I cant sit here and wait for {you} to decide i'm worth it. WHEN YOU ASKED ME TO TRUST....was that just a LIE? cuz i really think it was... man...i feel like ive been taken a fool...well guess what, not again! I'm so much stronger alone, so i guess...but you know it really sucks that i had to find that out the hard way... it's funny because i started all this searching for the truth...and in the end i found the truth WITHIN myself...i know what is and will come, and i'm totally prepared to handle that BY MYSELF. Im very sad at the same time though...cuz you know i really liked ya, i'm sorry i didn't break out of my bubble in time for you, i think you would have really liked me...but i guess all the other girls that are crawling at your feet can easily take my spot...who am to think i can get something i want...AHAHAHAHAH that's just silliness. But whatever i'm over it. Im here if {you} want me, if not then guess YOU ALREADY FUCKED ME LIKE YOU HATE ME! I wouldn't take to long sir, because i'm going to gone before you know it, and GUESS WHAT? i still dream....I just want you know something...you hurt me, you hurt my heart...i'm putting this on you, because i cant be the only one putting in the effort.
im out | | |
| I thought that having to go to the DV classes would be lame, but I am really starting to think maybe there is a purpose to all of this maddness...maybe? Well anyway, i learned that the everytime your depressed, and everytime you let that asshole who cut you off get the best of you, your life is being shortened! I already know that my life may not be long, and ive excepted that i may die in my car, but to let people get the best of me to the point that their prize for gettin me pissed off is my life! Let me say that again, 'they' are getting chunks of my life!...and yours! So maybe my selfworths is more then i thought....maybe...? Here is my hope...I just want to be happy. ....maybe...maybe if i start my life over and get away from everyone that i know now, then maybe, just maybe i have a chance for happiness....maybe? But what if i dont want to 'run' what if i want to face all the life taking problem, can i still have that same chance? I never got to ask this question in group, but what if the 'they' that are shortening my life, is my family...i mean how can you not be upset when they hurt you and hate you? well i just wanted to say that things might be getting better....maybe... and thank you tim and amanda, it means a lot that there are still people like you guys out there. Its hopful. :) | | |
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